Tag: Winkler

Introducing the W95 Mask

Does the mask you are being asked to wear cause you discomfort? Does it chaff your nose and prevent you from breathing freely? Winkler area resident Frank F (last name being withheld to prevent hate mail from vaxxers) has come up with a solution. In a recent interview with Spottschreft Mr. F indicated “the simplest solution is often the best solution” and according to Mr. F he has devised a new mask that addresses all the comfort issues related to traditional masks. He is calling the mask the W95 (the W identifying it as having been make locally in Winkler). Mr. F indicated that he will be producing the masks in his backyard workshop and is hopeful they will be on retailers shelves by early next week. Mr. F indicated he is hoping retailers will put his new mask right next to their display of Ivermectin and other pandemic supplies for ease of shopping.

Mr. F declined to be photographed. The photo below is a prototype of the W95 worn by an actor not a real person.

Oldest Colony Mennonite Church to ban ‘Deck the Halls’

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Vinkla, MB

In a surprize move Henry Neudorf, Elder of the ultra conservative Oldest Colony Mennonite Church announced today that the Church will ban the song ‘Deck the Halls’.

Neudorf indicated that several of the Church’s fäasenja  are offended by the lyrics and advised him that they will refuse to lead congregational singing unless the song is banned. Neudorf went on to say that banning the song was in keeping with the revisions being planned for the Mennonite Low German Dictionary that he read about recently in Spottschreft.

The banning means that not only will the song not be sung during church services but also, that members of the church are prohibited from singing or even humming the song while for example milking the cows or doing dishes.

When asked to specify what it was about the lyrics that the Church found offensive Neudorf said “its primarily the line Don we now our gay apparel.”

The ban will go into effect when it is announced to the Church’s various congregations, next Sunday.

It is not known at this time if other Mennonite Churches will follow the lead of the Oldest Old Colony Mennonite Church

Vinkla not Vankler

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Vinkla, MB

The following is a news release issued by the City of Vinkla subsequent to an erroneous report in the Daily Bonnet that Winkler had changed its name to Vankler

CITY OF VINKLA

Press Release

For immediate release

Winkler changes name to Vinkla not Vankler

A recent report in the Daily Bonnet erroneously reported that Winkler had changed it’s name to Vankler.

We are appalled that the Daily Bonnet, who had a representative present at the council meeting where the issue was discussed was not able to file a factual report.

Although the name Vankler was brought up during our discussions is was quickly dismissed as several council members felt that Vankler could very easily be mispronounced by non Plautdietsch speaking people as Wankler or even worse Wanker which has very  negative and derogatory connotations. For that reason the more traditional, “Vinkla” was agreed upon.

The same article also suggested that council was petitioning the City of Winnipeg to change its name to Vanapag.  Although there have been informal discussions with the City of Winnipeg  our suggestion was that  they consider changing their name to Febräaakjestaut in keeping with their designation as a high crime city.

Council does not impune negative motives to the Daily Bonnet.  It may well just be another example of how people from jantsied who employee a different pronunciation of some Plautdietsch words simply got it wrong,  again.

In keeping with Mennonite tradition, we forgive them.

Mennonites finally settle the “Jantsied” question

Altona residents going to visit relatives on jantsied

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Photo Credit: Winnipeg Free Press

Schanzenfeld – After years of raging debate the Jantsied question has finally been settled.

For over a century Mennonites on the west and east side of the Red River have disputed which side was ditsied and which was jantsied.  Both sides claimed that settlements on the other side of the Red River were on jantsied.

Sensing that this ongoing dispute was causing disruption in the Mennonite community church elders from both ditsied and jantsied met this week in Schanzenfeld to resolve the issue once and for all under the guidance of John Smith an independent arbitrator.

Henry Blatz, speaking on behalf of Mennonites east of the Red River, spoke eloquently about the absurdity of the argument pointing out that if you were in Steinbach then clearly towns and cities like Altona and Winkler were on jantsied.

Peter Dyck speaking on behalf of the Mennonites on the west side of the Red River made the argument  that seeing as Altona and Winkler were clearly on ditsied then Steinbach was obviously on jantsied.

The arbitrator summed up the discussion by observing that this was clearly a matter of perspective and ruled that the issue would be settled by a coin flip.  Smith called on Peter Dyck to make the call.  Dyck chose ‘heads” and won the flip.  As the winner Dyck declared that from this day forward  the settlements west of the Red  would be known as ditsied and those on the  east of the Red River would be known as jantsied.

In an exclusive post meeting interview with Spottschreft, Blatz indicated that as far as he was concerned the ruling was open to challenge as the issue was much too important to be settled by a flip of a coin and by a non-Mennonite arbitrator, a process that he characterized as un-Mennonite.

 

For those having difficulty with the Plautdietsch (low German) words in this post please consult the the “Translation” Page

 

 

Poll predicts Trump win

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WINKLER – Spottschreft  recently conducted a poll in the southern Manitoba city of Winkler.  Respondents were asked who they would vote for in the upcoming US election if they had a vote.  Here are the responses:

Peter Elias, who farms in Osterwick, and who was in Winkler to pick up supplies, indicated that he would vote for Clinton.  Elias said that after he heard about the Lincoln bedroom in the White House being rented out by the night during the first Clinton administration he has had a yearning to spend the night there.  He stated: “Trump already has so many hotels that I doubt he would consider turning the White House into a bed and breakfast but based on past performance, Clinton might”.

Lena Schmidt, an agent at Home Town Insurance  came out firmly on the side of Clinton. “I think it’s high time that a woman was put in charge,” said Schmidt.  When reminded of Ephesians 5:22-23 which says, “Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord,  For the husband is the head of the wife,” she quickly acknowledged that Hillary as president and Bill as the first husband playing second fiddle to her would not be biblical. She consoled herself with the fact that Trump who has had several wives is well versed at being in charge.

Armin Gerbrandt who described himself as a self employed contractor came down firmly on the side of Trump.  Gerbrandt reasoned that seeing as Trump plans to build a wall between the United States and Mexico to keep America safe, it won’t be long until he realizes that a wall is also required on America’s northern border to protect the US from negative Canadian influences. Gerbrandt felt the building of a wall might well generate considerable work for Canadian contractors such as himself.

As only three Winkler residents agreed to participate in the poll it is not a truly representative poll with an accuracy rating to 21.3% three times out of 10.

Despite the small sample size,  it is anticipated this poll could have a major impact on the election results.

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